real nigga personal ads

hey ladies im basically the perfect man for you. ill text you on and off throughout the week to gauge what the best time to talk to you is. eventually you'll give into my charm and wit and give up dem pannies late one night. after that the texts and calls will start to decrease and you will notice an increase of random bitches writing on my facebook wall. but maybe two weeks later ill draw you in with some touching and sweet good morning text that makes you think ive decided to leave all these hoes alone and be with only you. we'll continue a string of late night rendez vous but ill never really make anything official. but my personality and dick dealing game is so skrong that you will throw your pride to the side just to spend time with me. just know that after i tear that ass up i expect tacos and you are expected to swallow every time. don't waste this good niggade. eventually you'll tell me that you think you're pregnant and ill leave $350 in an unmarked envelope in your mailbox. you can either get the situation "taken care of" or you can buy diapers. either way that's all you're getting from me. i will eventually start hitting on your friends and relatives and only call you if i can till hit that as from time to time. if not adios bitch.

so ladies what do you say? which one of yall....yuuuuupp *smolder face*

observations on the lion king

you ever notice mufasa was the only male lion except for scar but there were hella lioness? he got a main bitch and a mistress.

like sarabi was his queen but you know he had to be knocking down all the other lioness' in the kingdom. there were all the cubs came from

so more than likely nala and simba were half brother and sister or like cousins or some shit

what was rafiki smoking and where can i get it because that nigga was high as all fucks

i bet when scar was taking over they wished mufasa hadnt banished all the other male lions from pride rock so he could have the lion pussy

scar was a pussy ass fuck boy for setting his peoples up (dont you love my street venacular? urban dictionary is real)

simba really shows what happens when young men dont have a father. like mufasa was a ho but without him simba fell in with the wrong crowd. who wants their child to be running around the jungle with a crackhead pig and rat? mufasa could've prevented that

nala was a ho. you dont see simba for 10 years but as soon as you see him randomly in the jungle one day you bust it open for him? i guess thats what happens when your mother is a lioness concubine you never really learn how to love.

i love the scene when sarabi is walking past the hyenas like "walk through the club fuck everybody"

simbas hair was pantene luxurious

overall this is one of the greatest movies ever made

10 sugar daddy commandments

One two three four five six seven eight nine"

Uhh, it's the ten trick commandments
What, uhh, uhh
Nigga can't tell me nothin bout this rent, uh-huh
Can't tell me nothin bout this phone bill, this tuition
To my hustlin niggasNiggas in nordstrom I ain't forget you niggasMy bill payin niggas, word up  "One two three four five six seven eight nine"
"TEN"  I been broke for years, it made me a animal
It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step by step booklet for you to get
your young girl caught up, not your credit score pushed back
Rule nombre uno: never let no one know
how much, dough you hold, cause you know
The cheddar brings mad thirsties 'specially
if that man fine as fuck, get your benz scratched up
Number two: never let em know your next move
Don't you know mad girls move in silence or violence
Take it from your highness (uh-huh)
sittin at your table drinkin mad cups server gets no tips
Number three: never trust no-bo-dy
Your wife'll set that ass up, properly gassed up
who you buyin bags for, kids need new toy trucks
she be layin in the bushes to light that ass up
Number four: know you heard this before
Never go out with your jump in daylight
Number five: never pull a girl from by where you rest at
I don't care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce
Number six: that god damn credit, dead it
You think equifax care about that bitch, shit forget it
Seven: this rule is so underrated
Keep your family and hoescompletely seperated
side chicks and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch
Find yourself in serious shit
Number eight: always keep cash on you
your wife'll find that paper trail and leave you
Number nine shoulda been number one to me
If you ain't gettin dough stay the fuck from howard homecoming
If girls think you broke they ain't tryin listen
They be sittin in your honda, waitin to start hittin
Number ten: a strong word called consignment
Strictly for live men, not for freshmen
If you ain't got the income say hell no
Cause sugar babies gon want they money rain sleet hail snow
Follow these rules you'll have mad hoes to cake up
If shes not, twenty-one years, pass that pussy up
underage will have chris hansen at your table, watch your bank account get drained up
booty warrior did your makeup, when you in lockup
Your girl fucked my man Jake up, heard in three weeks
she spent 6 paychecks up
Heard she suck a good dick, and can hook a steak up
Gotta go gotta go, more pasta bake up, word up, uhh

Marvins Food

cups of that kool aid
deliveries in my old phone
i been on this diet too long
the chicken that i would try
goes straight to my thighs
but ive been eating so much that  ima call papa johns and say
fuck that cupcake that you gave to me
i still remember the frosting that you had
i said fuck that salad that you ate just now
and since you had that i know your stomach growled
ooh im just saying you could taste better
all you need is salt and pepper

my mixtape Flamin Hots & Mystics drops October 15th

got these black bitches mad cuz my main bitch vanilla

once again the title is misleading and simply guided by what im listening to.....so anywho

the best thing you can have on your side is a strong team. be it family, friends, business partners, who you surround yourself with is who you are and have an impact on your success. one of the keys to success is having a support system that has you best interest at heart.

kim kardashian is the perfect example of this. she gave the driest, laziest, most handsy blowjob in the history of sex. with her mothers business acumen and proactive sometimes overly aggressive nature, she was able to turn that into an opportunity  for not only kim, but the whole family. she said hey america let me show you what kind of household raises a girl who thinks its acceptable to give such lackluster awesome jawsome on camera. this is how we ended up with keeping up with the kardashians. now you cant turn on the tv, pick up a magazine, or go on the internet without seeing at least one member of the kardashian clan or someone who is affiliated with them. everyone in the family has their own show in addition to several products and endorsements.

by no means am i saying release a sextape. i feel that you need to keep a group around you who can support you and your dreams. also use your talents to develop your brand. you are your own company. be it singing, making jewelery, cracking watermelons with your thighs you can create a career from your passion. you're going to be working for the rest of your life so it might as well be doing something you enjoy.

this is where your team comes in. dont give away your dreams to everyone, but you are going to need help. here we are with these expensive degrees we sweat blood and tears for so lets put them to use. i can name off top right now an accountant, PR, marketing, graphic designer for any business venture i could come up with. what is having bum ass friends bringing to your life? NOT A GOTDAMN THING! show me who your friends are and ill show you who you are.

upgrade your team and utilize your resources

friday fuckery things that are killing me softly

 

 

the hunt for red october

whats it like to have a period?

everything hurts. cramps in your abdomen. your back aches. in my case my thighs even cramp up. standing is uncomfortable. laying down is uncomfortable your body constantly feels like a bed of needles. even your boobs feel swollen and tender.

you hate everything and everyone. idk where they found these commercials with fluffy bunnies and running through fields. i don't wanna do that shit.i wanna eat chocolate lovers donuts and watch iCarly. everything gets under your skin at least for the first few days.

the horniest you will ever be in life. your hormones are raging so you want sex all the time, but of course you have a raw steak between your thighs and even dogs like their meat cooked. loneliness sets into your vagina....unless you're dating someone who is about that crime scene life.

you sneeze you gush blood. you cough you gush blood. you stand up you gush blood. you laugh you gush blood. all the rivers in egypt turned to blood. this is actually what moses was referring to.

you have the options of either wearing a diaper or a finger of your cooch. comfortable? not at all.

bloating and feeling like the biggest whale at sea world. water retention is real and your clothes feel tight and uncomfortable.

diarrhea occurs in many women. thats never fun especially not when you combine it with the other symptoms


emotions get all involved and you can cry at the drop of a hat

as bad as all this is you pray for it to come every month because if not that usually means you're knocked up or have some crazy ass disease. you cant tell me women aren't the strongest creatures on earth