Revenge is a dish best served cold

so im not a spiteful person but i am a firm believer in an eye for an eye. its very hard for me to forgive people and even if i do forgive i never forget. i am very good at cutting people out of my life if they dont operate according to my liking because well why the hell would i want a bunch of screw ups around me? anywhore this weekend 3 of my female friends all told me about fucked up things the men in their life had done. maybe they called me because they know im not completely stable and would eagerly come up with some tortuous plan to assure that these men suffered. anyway i did but as usual no one listened to me....so there are currently 3 men with their body parts still intact but dont worry its coming

can i have your number?

and im not talking about your phone number...does a persons body count really matter? some peoples are low and some are high but thats really a matter of what you consider low and high. guys are held to a certain standard that if they dont have some ridiculously high number they arent really a man.....um what you are is a walking STD. women are looked down upon if they are comfortable enough in their sexuality to have sex with whomever they choose. to the men that call these women hoes sir how do you think you got your number. unless you are having sex with other guys and then again MAJOR side eye cuz its possible but if it werent for these women you would not have been able to increase your count. im one of those people who never asks because im easily grossed out. if i feel that it is too high there is no way you are getting anywhere near my lucky charms. as long as i know you arent carrying any communicable diseases we're good.

women are constantly judged by how many partners they have had. i think if a mans junk could get worn out the ways a woman's can after too  many partners this double standard would not exist. cmon ladies lets do 10 kegels right now.....ok anyway guys arent looked down on because they dont have to worry about their virtue, reputation, or tightness so they go around smanging any and everything. personally im completely disgusted by manwhores. the fact that you stick your jiminy cricket all kinds of places makes YOU look bad.

this goes to another question how soon is too soon to have sex with someone? this is completely a personal choice and you shouldn't judge someone based on how quickly they jump into bed with someone. if you are comfortable with someone hey go right ahead. dont let anyone judge you and then again dont tell everyone your business!

i thought of this because this girl published an article about her sexual liberation and basically how many guys she slept with in college. she decided that she was gonna grab life by the horn (giggity) and sleep with anyone she wanted to and not beat around the bush. the story backfired she wasnt praised for her ballsiness but was rather criticized for "unladylike" actions...at the end of the day we all have some somethings that can be considered "ho shit" but at the end of the day you cant take a dick back so dont have any regrets.

personally i have several numbers...my real number, the number i tell people, my female number, and my male number. all of them are strictly between me and jesus

top 5 feelings

ok so this is just me but these are the top 5 feelings that just make my day. idk what it is but they just feel amazing to me

5. peeing on a cold day. when youve been standing out in the cold and your whole body is freezing when you go pee and all that warmth rushes through you it feels great well at least to me it does. taking a nice warm pee when my body is cold is better than a cup of cocoa

4. scratching inside your weave. ombj this feels amazing like close to orgasmic. when i can find something to get under there with  or my braids loosen up enough for me to get my finger under them this feels like you are seeing Jesus' return. my scalp feels like its having a healing service when i can get that one spot thats been bugging me all day but i couldnt get to because i was in public

3. getting a text from your crush. dont judge me but there are just certain people that when their name pops up on my phone i start cheesin like a 13 year old girl dancing with her first crush at a school dance on some sappy after school special. they just have that ability to brighten my whole day

2. eating really good food. like having a great meal can change your whole perspective on things. good food period not just soul food is good for your being. you feel better in everyway after you have your fave food. maybe its the fat kid inside me but i will always feel like a new person after i as my friend halona would say eat down!

1. taking of your bra at the end of the day. this goes especially for the big titty girls when you undo those 5837893 hooks and let them free its like the ultimate release. after a long day whe i finally get ready for bed taking off my bra is the best part. like holding all of this up is no easy task and i just love when i can have that freedom. toplessness is great but that initial moment is like what slaves must have felt

lmao you know my mind is a special place

fantasy days

so sometimes 6 inches just isnt enough. you aren't satisfied and want more. the problem is often times 12 inches is way too much...thats why i like Quiznos i can get like a 8 or 9 inch one and be satisfied...but that $5 footlong hits all the right spots when you can deal with the whole thing bwahahahaha take it how you want.

so this isnt about big, hot pastrami sandwiches (giggity) but with me being in class for like 8 hours and then at work i have a lot of time to do random thinking. yea i should be paying attention but yea not gonna happen so this led me to think about what i would do if i got the chance to spend a day with my fave celebs.

katy perry- we would eat cotton candy and play with puppies at a shelter. she just has this air about her that reminds me of sunshine and being a kid i see us doing cartwheels down a hill covered in bunnies

amber rose- we would eat cheese steaks and try on sunglasses. then  she would let me feel on her booty for about an hour. surprisingly i dont really wanna have sex with her

rihanna- i would cook her oxtails and plantains then perm her kitchen. idk if youve ever seen pix of it but damn it looks like a basket of eggs. then we would have wild passionate sex because she said whips and chains excite her

nicki minaj- i couldnt spend a whole day with her. shes crazy. i would let her sign my boobs though

wiz khalifa- well duh its him what do you think we'll be doing?

T.I.- my absolute fave fave fave and on our day we would go shopping because the king is always fresh then we would go to a strip club and throw some hundreds...well his hundreds then race aston martins

beyonce- we would get our weaves done then do single ladies in front of the mirror. also i want whoever does her eyebrows to do mine cuz they are BEAT

these are just a few give me some more days of boring classes and ill have some more random adventures for you.

But you say im just a friend

even though he looks like he smells like dirty mop water i love bruno mars and this song is def for those of us who have true friends. nowadays there are way too many snakes in the grass and you have to cut the shit. we find our circles becoming squares as we realize it becomes harder and harder to trust people. a lot of girls say they dont have female friends because they cant be trusted and while this is true i have never experienced it. im lucky enough to be able to say that the people i call my real and true friends are hella clutch and have never betrayed me. we all know each others ho shit and personal family business. i have heard horror stories about girls who are supposed to be friends trying other over a man or something random like a dress. we dont always get along but me and my girls have never had serious beef. most of our disagreements have come from us being honest with each other. i just had a ridiculously honest convo with my babymama ciera and i admitted to her something i have never ever ever told anyone not even jesus. like the past couple of days like from friday to yesterday have done the absolute most for my life and they have all been there for me and even though i was wrong they just laughed and i know they wont talk behind my back. loyalty is so rare nowadays and the fact that we can talk to each other is a great comfort. like i would have not survived the summer had it not been for these heaux and them bearing large amounts of alcohol. jackeline has seen my boobs in the most no homo fashion more than some girls ive dated and thats fine cuz thats my homie. my mom has adopted all of my friends and loves them like her own.  none of us will ever go after each others men because well one we all have very different taste and two thats not our style. love and friendship are much more important than some dick slang although we do kiss and tell. i mean you shouldnt especially if its good but hey thats what girl firends are for. now that ive told you how much i love you....let me borrow $20 lbvs

random

ok is beyonce not giving you everything in this video?? it would be easier if people just acted the way i wanted them to....well my life would easier. leave other girls alone. text me back in a timely manner...bring me snacks....im really not hard to please...you've already got me sprung and i would happier if you weren't so shitty to me sometimes it would make me feel less stupid for wanting you so badly. you say im your everything then disappear then come back as if nothings wrong....i deserve so much better but that's not what i want...i want you. why don't you love me when i make me so damn easy to love. i know im picky and demanding  and spoiled but you've always loved that cuz i make things happen when they need to. you know i got the best lovin you've ever had. maybe if i just faded away and you didn't have my smile, my jokes, my sarcastic/smartass remarks you would appreciate me just a little bit more im completely unique and you'll never read this but somehow it'll reach you....

i died, was resurrected, and died again

oh baby Jesus be a ribbed condom for the fuckery i witnessed tonight on tv. (ombj my SONG just came on. you dont understand "only when ur lonely" by ginuwine is my absolute just ish. i need to leave pandora alone when im writing post because they take longer than necessary because it always plays something that takes me ALL the way out) but ok first i tried watching "the craigslist killer" on lifetime because ok dont judge me but i love lifetime movies. im not some lonely bitter slack but you know those movies go hard sometimes especially shes too young or pregnancy pact and don't get me started on reviving ophelia. chile i couldn't took me back to high school and my crazy boyfriend and i just ugh had me choked up. but anyway i was kinda unimpressed by this effort. i didn't even watch the whole thing. the moral basically was don't sell your pussy on the internet and don't marry just anybody. (ok this dont have shit to do with shit but i love Jodeci. like they are my fave group in the world. i just needed to share that because their show makes me sad because i live for their music and to see that they have been so drunk for the past 20 years that they didnt even know what the internet was it breaks my heart.)

ok so next i turned it to MTV because True Life was on and i dont know about you but i like this show. i like anything that shows crazy people in their everyday life. ooer  i still need to see my strange addiction and the lady who eats toliet paper and the one who eats detergent. i love weirdos like that. but oh hold me closer tiny dancer because this true life they showed tonight took me ALL the way out. i literally gagged and almost threw up my mashed potatoes. like it was about people who have fetishes and one girl was a dominatrix yadda yadda yadda she liked to be in control whatever. but this man oh this man  this man i need to record a video about this one just so you can see my facial expression. like he had a serious foot fetish. you nasty bastard you will never reach the kingdom of heaven. he would like sniff and lick random girls feet. like feet are the second most disgusting  thing on a persons body. like how can you get turned on by that? like i can appreciate if i say my feet hurt and you rub them or like my girl painted my toes before and that was trill cuz yall know i suck at that but shrimping is never acceptable. like he fell in love with this girl he met on myspace who had the perfect feet and he got her foot tattooed on his arm. $20 to whoever can point out all 42 things that are wrong with that sentence. he would meet girls in the club and ask to sniff their feet and suck their toes. he had this girl stick her finger between her hot ass toes and then sniffed and sucked her finger. at this point i changed to american dad because my soul could not handle anymore. that is the last thing you should be thinking about sniffing or tasting on a woman!

like we all have some quirky thing that turns us on ill spare you mine cuz its hella weird but its no where near anything like this sick motherfucker. forgive me lordt but yall know i believe in as long as its not little kids or animals, do you and get it in however, but that just ended me. i had to go take a shot of patron after that. why was this allowed on tv? this is why i stick to my music. #icant

Pandora

my pandora is always embarrassing me. it pulls songs out of no where that go so hard for me and have me acting a fool in public. i forgot i was on the train one time and just started singing sex intelligent and wondered why everyone was looking at me. oh and it can change your walk. dont let sexy girl anthem come on while im walking down the street or make it rain. my regular twitch turns into a full out ho stroll twerk. and if whip my hair or pretty girl walk comes on i turn into the most conceited cunt on the block. pandora like knows exactly what you're feeling and gets you through. when i have a ton of work i put on my wu tang station and im a beast. first thing in the morning i put on my the-dream station and just have a good feeling about the day. the isley brothers help me sleep. it pulls out songs i haven't heard in forever or just ones that i love. i was in the bathroom trying to ready for bed when bruno mars "just the way you are" came on and i just lost all focus and forgot what i was doing. this was actually just a bit ago i forgot to brush my teeth let me remember that...actually my mom said don't call me in the event of a real emergency because i will get distracted and forget what im supposed to be doing. ok but anyway pandora is like the greatest invention ever. i need to stop listening to it while im writing these because most of my tangents have to do with me being thrown into full slaination over a song. i just love music in general i can sit and being doing nothing as long as my music is playing be it my ipod, pandora, or the radio. i will actually have the tv on mute with my headphones in. ugh why did pony just come on now i have to have a sexy dance break *brb* ok anyway im back but everyone needs to get into their fave pandora stations. the only thing i dont like is that you cant replay songs. i guess if it were perfect that would be asking too much

ima look at you crazy

for some reason i cannot comprehend why you would tattoo someones  name on you. i keep seeing far too many people with their boo of the moments name tatted somewhere on them. like just because you put my name on you im supposed to believe you love me? no im just gonna believe you might be a little bit crazy. we could married for ten years and im still not putting needle to skin to spell out a randoms name. what do you do when you break up because its gonna happen you're stuck with this tattoo and the next person you get with is gonna be looking at you like well damn gucci because his name is name is jerrell but every time you get nakey hes looking at stephen trying to figure out how to make the situation less awkward. he sitting there wondering how bad did jerrel wreck your vagina that you went through the pain of a tat for this ninjas paynis. there is no set of thighs in the world creamy enough for me to get that heaux name one me. im not gonna lie i have considered it because i thought i was so in love and then i slapped myself back to reality. its just a bad idea all around

PSA

this judgmental shit is getting out of hand! you were not up on the cross with Jesus so #hohaveaseat just because someone fornicates, curses, smokes, or drinks it does not make them a bad person. you can still lead a productive and have illicit fun. bring that shit to me and i will as b. scott says curse you in the name of Jesus