gardening

its summertime and shorts are getting shorter and the swimsuits are coming out so i am begging you trim the hedges! recently a friend was changing in front of me and her nether regions looked like damian marley. now i understand that not everyone is a fan of being bald and beautiful, but growing a sunni on your vag is never the move.

there are several different styles and methods of vag hair removal. you can trim back the hedges with a regular bikini wax or shaving. this cleans up the situation a bit and is pretty painless. the best part is that you can get designs and junk like that. its quite nice. i dont mind a girl with an uptown fade on her cooch. at least she did some maintenance. remember no one will come over your house if they cant find it. i dont like hair in my food, but its better than these rainforest that some of you are growing.

now the greatest gift to earth is the Brazilian wax.your pussy will be rollling on dubs when you have that extra smooth hairless cat thing going on. you might even want to touch yourself it feels so good. they go in and remove everything. it hurts a bit more because there is more area to cover and they are pulling from the follicle. there has been some debate about how sanitary some places are and if this is safe for your vagina. whats not safe is going down on someone and damn near choking to death on a stray pubic hair. research your shops first. make sure the waxing station is clean and that they are using new strips, sticks, and towels before they wax you. Knong at Bang on U st has my vag looking like dulce de leche cupcakes every two weeks. in chicago i go to Diana's.

research and make your decision based on what is most comfortable for you, but i am begging you stop this natural madness. as a purveyor of the poon i can tell you from a male perspective no one wants rick ross' beard rubbing tickling their nose when they're trying to dine on southern cuisine. even is you arent having sex you might end up at the beach. you might even pee better idk just do SOMETHING!!!!

methaphors and shit

you know how when you have a pack of gum that hasn't been opened yet and you're really excited because this gum is great. you just wanna enjoy your it for as long as possible. for some reason there's always that one person that ask for a piece. so trying to be nice you let them have one little piece. you don't plan on giving anyone else any because this is YOUR gum. this is never the case. once you give out one piece everyone suddenly wants some. having gum is never a secret. you wanted to keep your gum for yourself, but once the pack is opened its lost its freshness. you can try to lie and hide it as much as possible, but people always want gum. there are some you share your gum with willingly because you want to and others who you deny because you don't want to give it away. one day you look up and all your gum is gone. you have to think who did i give all my gum away to because i didn't chew it all by myself. you can get a new pack of gum, but you will always think of all the times you have given gum away before and wonder no matter how hard you try will you give away all you gum again? you don't wanna hold onto it because then it will get all stale and useless, but you need to be selective when giving away your delicious gum. unless you wanna regret it and have to try and start over with a fresh pack.

my guilty pleasure...

is new orleans bounce music. when im alone i turn it up and act like im from the calliope project. its a work out and makes you forget about all your problems.
#nowtwerkingforjesus to "where the melph at"- katey redd

easy like sunday morning

so my mom left for church and that leaves me here at home alone drinking my ignorantly  large cup of coffee and blasting the #twerktape...like this is the shit ive been trying to watch Takers for like an hour, but i cant turn this off go download it chubb e swagg snapped. anyway this has given me some time to reflect......

-periods are so unnecessary. i dont plan on getting pregnant anytime soon so i need not ovulate. i wish there was a way to stop this shit until im ready to have a baby....ooer i found these cup things that allow you to have sex on your period if anyone cares. no blood involved

-i worked 4x the hours this week that i was supposed to because one of the other teachers was sick. im exfuckinghausted but my paycheck is about to be sexy as fuck. i might cash it instead of direct deposit just so i can rub all those hundred dollar bills all over my naked body

-its a midget in my neighborhood.i want to move

-i hate when i buy a bag of air and there's chips at the bottom

-when i get rich im gonna hire paula deen as my personal chef and everything is gonna be coated in butter and bacon

-men say women are desperate but this year i have witnessed some of the thirstiest shit imaginable from the male species. like i guess vagina juice is stronger than we know

my girlfriend

in my mind esther baxter is wifey but lauren london is my loving side chick

dont laugh at me

so i have sometime before i go to work today so i was perusing my usual blog sites and they featured a lot of pics from the hot 97 summer jam. this was one of the times that i wished i lived on the east coast because some of my faves were there. anyway this lead me to the question who would i rather sleep with Rick Ross or Chris Brown? stop giving me that crazy side eye! i know you prob think is a no brainer but hear me out.


ok so yes they are complete and utter opposites, but they both hold qualities that i think would make them good lovers.

1. facial hair- in my opinion a man should have facial hair. chris is seriously lacking in this department
winner: ross

2. performance- no one like a lazy lover. chris has proven that he will dance in the pussy and he claims he invented head. you cant ignore these facts.especially when you know how i feel about the introduction. ross seems like he might be kinda lazy and expect the woman to do all the work. he has never come across as a master of seduction.
winner: breezy

3.body- i love tattoos and this is a non negotiable for me. if you take off your shirt and the skin is bare im getting up and putting my clothes on. neither have back and chest hair so im really stuck here because im disgusted by body hair like absolutely icksville.since ive slept with guys with muscles and fat guys and both were great so i really don't know. and ive seen breezys dick, but not rozays and it was extra lackluster, but hes quite fit.
winner: tie

4. music- i LIVE for rick ross records, but im only a chris brown fan in passing
winner:rozay

5.sounds- the sounds made during coitus are so important to me and i feel like ross would be going ungh the whole time and i would be laughing and chris' voice is so sweet and melodic and would whisper like sexy shit to me
winner: breezy

6. financials- ross said it best "money make me cum" i already blogged about community service pussy and while both are pretty well off ross is more flashy and i like stuff like that. i love how his chains glisten between his man boobage. he admits that he treats women and i would like to be wined and dined and possibly shop before i have my box demolished. breezy is not lacking in funds but i feel like hes not going to pay for the tracks he pulled out when he was playing in your hair
winner: ross

7. pillow talk- i like my sandwich and sleep after sex but sometimes niggas wanna talk and shit so you have to suffer through that. i feel like chris would be a lot more interesting to talk to and more lucid. ross would just spark up and then go to sleep.
winner: breezy

8.smell- chris smells light skin. ross smells like  money, fried chicken, and kush
winner: rozay

9.the crew- you may have to be around his friends at some point. chris hangs out with them cat daddy niggas. ricky hangs out with my son's father wale....
winner- ross the boss

10. respect- i feel like chris might bring you breakfast the next morning. ricky might just hand you a stack and say get out. im still a lady despite what i did the night before and would like to be treated as such. just dont hit me chris....but i do like that rough shit
winner: mechanical dummy

well im guessing the winner is rick ross.....as long as he keeps the shades on