My most embarrassing moment

instead of going on some long drawn out story and giving lots of funny anecdotes and such ill just get to the point and plus i have class in 10 minutes so i cant really explain maybe later. but the point is my most embarrassing moment was i peed on myself in the middle of the library

its ok you can laugh i do now not so much though when it happened.

warning this is hella ratchet...my thoughts on sex and virginity

do you remember your  first time? how was it? do you still talk to the person? often times your first time is def not your best time. thats why many people wait until they are married thinking that its gonna be this super special moment and its gonna be all fireworks and  you will be in love forever. ok look its gonna hurt and you probably wont  enjoy it. im just being honest. thats why i didnt wait and save my first time for someone i loved because i didnt wanna be disappointed. im not saying that everyones is horrible thats why i want people to submit stories but its def not like in the movies. you might enjoy it might not hurt if he knows what hes doing. the guy i lost mine to had figured out a system to loosin me up and dammit it worked i just didnt enjoy it cuz after a while the novelty of some man pumping on top of me wore off.  i want my wedding night to be off the chain damn wild neighbors calling the police  why are yo draws in the ceiling fan what the hell did we do with a waffle iron crazy so we are gonna  stop having sex a month before the wedding so we get that good i gotta have you build up. but we must test drive the goodies before we make that committment. i only wanna get married once so i need to know what you are working with and what skills we need to develop.

i understand that sex is a big emotional committment and that many women wait so that they can give that special part of themselves to the man that they have dedicated their love and life to.......but you are missing out. like yeah you may say oh im not worrying about pregnancy and STDs and this is true but if you practice safe sex you dont have to worry about these things either. you may say oh well what if we have sex and he dips. thats a hard emotional blow but what if when you get married you and your husband have months of bad sex and he leaves you for another more experienced woman all because you didnt know how to throw it back? yea its ratchet but its real. a mans heart, logic, and penis are closely related and by letting him get a teaspoon from your sugar bowl can greatly affect your influence over him. also some men fear having sex with a virgin. they dont wanna be the standard that you base all your sexual experiences on. some men like it because theyre thinking ok yea i know shes clean, she'll always remember me yadda yadda yadda. a man may also like marrying a virgin because hes thinking oh yea im the only man my wife will ever know about. greatly outweighing these factors are the fact that hes gonna wanna tear that shit up but cant because you got that extra extra tight. loose is never ok but when you are prepared to put in work and hes got all this nut built up because hes been with you for so long and hopefully faithful that when he does get some hes gonna wanna put in overtime and when he finally releases it will come out like a civil rights hose. a virgin cannot handle that.

sex is just fun. if it with a committed partner or even with a fuck buddy getting it in is the shit...if yall are doing it right. if you have sex with the same person for a long time and they know your body and can hit all those spots gotdamn they might have you in the kitchen at 4am singing anita baker making them pancakes, grits, eggs, bacon, and freshly queezed orange juice. chile go to bed with a perm and by the time they are finished with you ya got locs. you may not even have to know them that long if they are skilled cause some people idk if its practice or they were born with but *whew*

it is definitely a personal choice and im not saying go out and fuck the first person you meet. if it is for religious reasons then absolutely hold onto your faith over all but my motto is carpe diem. you never know when you could go so take the risk and leap go get you some kapow bomchickawown. i dont really dont believe in soul mates so im not saving my vag for 20 something years to give to one person. and plus when im married i wanna be able to be making my wife cofee i wanna be able to look out the window and remember the time i got it in on the back porch and the neighbors caught us or the time i got a leg cramp but kept going cuz it was too good to stop hmm or the time ok let me stop......good times ;-)

Crazy dreams

so idk what is going on in my subconscious but lately ive been having the craziest dreams. like about random stuff that would never occur in my real life. like in one there was an abandon house on campus that everyone hung out in. like it was dirty and had a lot of broken windows but that was the chill spot. so anyway me and my friend rachel were in there chillin and this random guy walks inand we start having sex on a dirty old couch. issue one i was having sex with a man, yea thats so high school i dont even remember how to and he was a stranger it def wasnt anyone i know maybe its someone ill meet soon idk idc. issue two ima classy heaux you cant fuck me on no old couch. issue three there were old people watching us through the windows now im into some interesting stuff but geriatric voyeurism isnt one of them. when we finished apple pie appeared and we ate it. even in the dream i was more excited about the pie than i was the sex. it was like the most amazing pie ever it was hot and had like a caramel topping and crispy crust with french vanilla ice cream. i think the sex was good i dont really remember but the pie was bangin. anyway once i analyzed the dream it made sense but at first it was just akward.

my next dream i was pregnant and gave birth to a premature baby girl i named Aniyah. she was so small just for fun i wrapped her in blankets and put her in a shoe. ok so thats seems normal right? well the wierd part was that her father was a vampire.....umm yea idk where that came from. i dont like the name Aniyah and im pretty sure i wont be having kids by a vampire.

so my mind is crazy when im awake and even worse when im sleeping.

There aint nothing like the first time

so i asked yall to submit stories about your first time and someone finally did it! took yall long enough dammit i better get some more stories! what are yall scared of? ill put mine up here if i get at least three. anywhore here it is an anonymous tale of passion, pain, and pleasure:

Okay so here's my story. Now I'm 21 years old and I wanted to wait til marriage to have sex, but anyone that knows me that I'm heavily tempted so it was a matter of time before my legs were spread and a penis penetrated my punani lol. It was during the summer time and I was chilling with this dude that I chill with all of the time. Now when me and him chill, we smoke weed and let the day take us wherever it takes us. This particular night, me and my friend smoked some strong weed that was new to us (we usually smoke some good strong stuff, but this shit right here nigga...this shit right here nigga?!?! lol it was some real good shit but I digress). So as he was driving my car back to his house, I was telling him that I was really really fucked up. Now usually when I smoke weed, I'm horny as hell and tend to be very vocal about it, so this wasn't necessarily new, but he knew that I was more fucked up than usual and he said so. 

So we finally pull up to his house and was sitting in my car. I asked him what was he about to do (knowing good and well he was about to get out my car and go inside his house) and of course he said the very thing that I was thinking. So I looked him in the eye and bluntly told him that I wanted to give him head. Now he had been trying for the longest (for reasons I won't disclose lol), and usually I would bullshit him and never do it, so he thought I was just kidding. However I told him you're really gonna walk away from an opportunity to get head? You're a dumb nigga lol and well he thought about it and decided to stay in the car and we drove down the street and around the corner. He put the car in park and I was being stupid and asked him how he was doing and I knew I was making him mad (I find that to be fun lol yeah I'm triflin at times so what?). So he started talkin about how I bullshit him and other nonsense and while he was doin that I unzipped his pants and unleashed the big black snake that gained more strength as it was released from its cage. While this was going on, I slowly put my mouth on his penis and proceeded to give him head...he started to stutter through his lil tangent and began repeating my name (as if I didn't already know it). After that, he picked me up and I told him how I wanted to fuck him for a very long time...no bullshit this time so he put me on top of him. I felt him and the heavens of my punani began to sing lol (that was ratchet), however that didn't last too long because he had to go back home. We picked it up the next day...it started off with head of course...and he enjoyed that shit so much he bent me over and started to stick his big dick in my ass hole. Now I was high, but I wasn't lettin that fly. That shit hurts lol so we went into his room (yeah we was fuckin around at his front door lol ratchet I know) and I laid down and he pounded me with his dick. It was great...it didn't hurt my vagina too much because it got loosened up a little bit (the power of the tongue is blessed lol). So yeah that was pretty much my first time. It wasn't all happy and sappy as people try to make it. It was funny and it was shared with a person that's both my friend and someone I like more than a friend...I wouldn't change it for the world...needless to say we fucked around some more afterwards lol yay for friends with benefits!!

Muffins, Cookies, and Cakes

  yea so this isnt going to be about food....its about ass and titties ass ass titties tittes. does anyone else remember that ridiculous song from like eighth grade? i think it was on south park im not sure i might try to find it anywhore so all women have them breastessess big, small, stretch marked, perky, saggy, long (kevin hart voice: you long titty no nipple havin bitch! that was so funny to me and im waiting to get made at someone and call them that) and of course the booty butt cheeks come go all the way from a flatty to daaaaaammmn she gotta donk.

i for one want breast implants. im currently rocking a 38 DD but would like to be around a 36 E if possible. i wanted a miraculous bra from victoria's secret but that thing only goes up to a 36 C or D which i found very rude. that sounds hella big but my frame can handle it. and that just sounds good. its sad to say but a woman's breasts can have a major affect on her influence over others especially men. i have seen men do the most random outrageous stuff for women just because she had a big rack. and big breast women are good people they have a lot of love in their heart thats why their breasts are so big its holding in all the love in their heart. tell me one mean big titty girl you know.....

the itty bitty titty committee gets love too. they can go braless and no one would be the wiser and some men like small breasts. not everyone wants a girl who looks like shes carrying around the Teton mountains. i mean i call men like that gay but hey i could be wrong. and you can wear those flimsy dress things that your big boobie friends cant pull off. i just like having big ones because i can go to sleep in them and i can use them to hold things like my plate when my hands are full. they are also good pillows and a race track for like your matchbox cars. this girl who im like still in love with from high school had really small ones and she would wear like tank tops with no bra and it wasnt obscene. the problem with big ones is if you take off that bra everyone knows. and some girls have those loose ones where when they lay on their back it rolls under their arm and they get like deodorant marks on them and ohh yea stretch marks for days. there is a point where big boobs are unattractive and just gross. like when they get TOO big its just look uncomfortable and saggy and you know when they get like 50 theyre gonna hit the ground. i get creeped out by those body builder muscular women whose boobs look like a raw steak. and then those loose pudding cup titties women get after a few kids.

booty is important too. its rare to find a girl that has top and bottom. often its one or the other but there are a blessed few who have both. sooo i would tell you what my hips are but umm yea its kinda embarrassing (so im gonna have to start typing these in word and then posting them because u dont understand how bad my spelling is and how many times ive had to use my bb to spell check words) theres the flat one, the inverted ones, the spongebob square booty bitches, the perfectly sticky outty ones, the heart, there are so many different types of bottoms. as far as i know most girls want that mber rose/nicki minaj fatty because thats what appears to attract the most attention.  but sadly we cant all be collard greens and cornbread thick. it would be great though. there are some horribly shaped women in this world but i stand by my belief that there is something beautiful about all women. and if you arent naturally blessed fredericks of hollywood sells hose booty pop things. i would also like a bigger bottom because even though mine is decent im not a fan of the shape. i think all women have things they would like to change. at the end of the day as long as youre happy thats all that matters. i have enough to twerk and look good in leggins so i should just accept what ive been blessed with.

yesterday in the mall this girl was the definition of big booty judy like her ass was so big and went out so far im sure she has to use and arm extension grip thing just to wipe it. im sure she gets a lot of attention and compliments but those girls with the so called "perfect bodies" i often wonder how often they have to question the sincerity of the men that approach them. like when men come up to you like they are basing it purely on physical like you could really suck as a person and they would never know.

if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on.....

so recently a lot of my friends have been discussing marriage. they feel like we are at the point where we need to be getting engaged and on one hand i agree but on the other i dont. like i wanna be engaged because i want a 4.22 carat cushion cut flawless red or white diamond in a platinum setting (if mrs right is reading this take note) but it seems that getting married changes everything about a relationship. my bestie simone seems tho think its the vows that cause everyone to freak out about the changing seriousness of the relationship. the fact that you say til death do us part causes many to go running for the hills. a few people i know in my age group are taking that plunge and it makes you wonder how old is too young to get married? i posed this question to someone before and their answer was when you feel you have done everything you feel you have wanted to. at 21 do you believe that youve had all the sexual partners that you want to? some of my friends are on some kill bill numbers so they may have but others know there are still plenty of booty calls to be made and random ppl to casually date. but there are also ppl who like the idea of being in a committed relationship with one person and having one person that they can consistently rely on to always be there. i feel that women may be ready but a man at 21 is not ready for this one woman. he may in love with you but as soon as he realizes all the new pussy hes missing out on hes gonna freak out. there are men in their 40s who cant get it together to settle down with one woman. my dad has always told me that men are not programmed for monogamy and im slightly inclined to believe this. alas ladies is pimps too go and brush your shoulders off. i do believe that everyone has a soulmate the question is simply when will you be able to make a long term committment. having lived with someone i was in love with i learned that there is a big difference between just being in a relationship with someone and making a major move that forces you to be around them on a consistent basis. (im supposed to be writing a paper now dammit) i feel that committment doesnt have to be hard or scary if you just let the relationship flow the natural way it should. people try to force things into a situation jsut because thats what they think a relationship should be. also stop letting your friends influence you. take their advice but dont let what they say or the structure of their relationship influence what goes on between you and your man. marriage is more than words and a ring. ive never been married so you know take this with a grain of salt but every marriage is like every relationsip dont let everything change just because you said "i do" let that make the love stronger. everything yall did premarriage keep doing it. if tuesday is role play night hell make it tuesday and thursday. let everything expand as you allow your love to grow and bloom

so the whole point of this was getting married young. i dont think im ready just yet. i could be engaged which is a promise that one day we will one day take over the world as the ultimate power couple but right now im having fun going to happy hour with my homies and finding how many girls have undercover lesbian fantansies that they want to explore with someone safe, experienced, and non threatening like oh idk umm me!jk but no seriously you would be shocked at the number of girls who want a college girl on girl experience but i wont give you the details. i like being in a relationship its happy....its safe.....its fun. but marriage is a level of respect for you and our union that im not ready for. things wouldnt change in our marriage that wouldnt be in our relaltionship but since i dont like break ups i dont plan on getting divorced and when i jump the broom i want it to be with the robin to my batman or they can take the lead because when you love someone its give and take and whoever changes my last name with a 4.22 carat diamond i want to make sure that theyre down for the level of craziness that comes from dating me hell just knowing me is a damn adventure so the misses must be something special....

Daily dose of ignorance: LEMME SMANG IT- Yung Humma ft Flynt Flossy

Fat in America

hello im Subway O'Brien and welcome to our CNN special Fat in America. the average american woman wears a size 14 which qualifies as a plus size. approximately 37.2% of americans can be qualified as overweight. blacks and hispanics are at a higher rate of being affected with blacks being 51% of the overweight population and hispanics being 21% which makes sense.....we have the best food. well its by no means healthy but macaroni and cheese and greens or arroz con pollo and plantanos taste a  helluva lot better than......well idk what exactly white people eat....i suppose potato salad with low fat may and carrots and raisins. jk i know what white people eat i did a study i watch them in restaurants and  on trains and lets just say.....yea. im by no means an advocate of being unhealthy. if you are 400 lbs put down the hamhock sandwich and eat a salad and i dont mean one covered in ranch dressing. you can be overweight and healthy its just a matter of changing some of you habits. greens are actually very healthy its the salt pork that kills you. white people love being skinny because that is what they have been conditioned to believe. the first thing most black and hispanic men notice about a woman is what....her booty. thats all cornbread and cabbage not asparagus.

fat people are discriminated against in this country on an extreme level. i mean look at turnstyles. they are just disrespectful. or train seats, park benches, and the absolute Hitler of all to large people stairs. being overweight is one of the few things left that can still be legally discriminated against in hiring. many a time have i had to press up the hill because the shuttle didnt come and i get to the top and have to hold my breath just to preserve what little oxygen i have left and i dont wanna be "that fat girl" huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf but dammit i hauled this _ _ 7 lb body up a hill. that should win like a strong man contest.

now the fat people that piss me off are the ones on the little scooters. get your big ass up and walk you are making us look bad. and ones in too small clothes. they sell plenty of cute clothes in sizes all the way up to 30...idk what you do beyond that size though sorry.

ive been watching whats eating you and these people would rather die of starvation and a host of other health problems that be fat....thats kinda offensive to me but you what battle your demons and ill battle mine. im alive eating ding dongs and youre well dead think about it

i am an advocate of a healthy fat living life style. you can be overweight but still be cute and healthy. im fat by choice. i could be skinny but why so i can look like some damn barbie doll? nope im happy full and a little extra thick. i think the most important thing is to be comfortable in your body. if you arent happy at your weight then you need to change it. women have it a lot harder than guys because honestly there are some assholes out here who try to break down your confidence but you have to ignore them. what they dont know is that having sex with a fat girl like riding a roller coaster or jumping on a moon bounce and they are missing out. and this is my personal opinion but if you have sex with a skinny girl with no kind of curves you actually want a man because a real woman has curves. and when i say skinny i dont mean like a size 6 i mean like a 0 who has the body of a 7 year old boy.....God is judging you.

there are some skinny girls with bodies but uhh this isn't about them. this is about those girls and guys who get told you're really pretty but you're too fat for me. that's just like girls who get told you're cute for a dark skin girl....-_- kill yourself sir. and big boys get discriminated against too. that big man will keep you warm and can probably cook his ass off but you ignore him just because hes an MWT (man with titties for those who dont know) ive been told oh im not sure about you because you have a pretty face and great personality but youre fat ooooook and? i can lose weight but you will be an asshole forever.

now i am against fatsploitation though. some people take it to an extreme beyond chubby chaser. they stuff their women full of food with the hopes of making her as big as possible. this is not a fad its a lifestyle choice that takes a lot of work. there was a woman on Tyra whose husband would stuff her full of food and was trying to get her to 1000 lbs. everyone has a preference but when it becomes a health issue and semi disrespectful it is a problem.

judging someone and their abilities is the same as being racist or homophobic. get to know a person before you decide they are a fat lazy slob or deem them undateable.

something strange for a piece of change

it was a set up that homecoming was right before the first of the month. my rent is due today and my credit card is due the 9th. so as a college student the question often comes up what are you willing to do for money? how much of your self respect are you willing to let go pf in order to be comfortable. a lot of people i know have been donating bone marrow and plasma because it pays well but damn it hurts. and then by some crazy act of irony i heard an ad for amateur night at a strip club. i think every woman has considered stripping at some point in her life. like how can you not be attracted to the idea of simply taking off your clothes and having money thrown at you. all of us are not able *looks at waistline* but if God has blessed you with an extreme amount of stackedness dammit you better get out there and do it with no hands. i know some of you are like no no i cant do that.....why? think about it thats all im saying. you get naked for free everyday why not get paid for it. i mean sure you cant pay your tuition in singles but you can buy groceries. i once saw a stripper paying her phone bill in verizon. how do i know she was a stripper well 1. she was dressed like a whore are 10 in the morning and 2. she paid the whole thing  in singles. thats one reason i hate touching money and never ever put in anywhere near my face. at some point that $1 was in the sweaty ass crack of a stripper.

now prostitution is a whole different story. i def dont support or encourage that but if you are that hard up.......do you boo boo they give free condoms in the health center. ill be your pimp just know i take 20% off the top but ill treat you well lbvs.

i considered starting one of those websites were men pay to watch fat women eat but im not big enough. thats some sick shit though. some men enjoy seeing extremely large women eat a whole box of donuts. what happened to you as a child that you find that sexy? you didnt pray enough clearly.

selling drugs is lucrative but quite dangerous. i mean the towers already looks like The Carter so if anyone is down for some New Jack City go right ahead. DC is already fucked up enough you cant make it that much worse.

sponsors are also quite tempting. hey like wale said "big breast girls never ever pay rent" all lies because i def turned in a check for $699 today and im a proud member of the DD club. there are plenty of old men looking to take care of young girls. one of my moms friends saw  my picture and asked about me needless to say she cussed him out....i was like why mom...if there are porn stars that can be  gay for pay i can be straight for pay. lmao no im not a bird but you know good and well money is the root of all evil but bill collectors are even more evil.

i know the obvious answer to money problems is find a job but  you know what this isnt about what makes sense this is about how far are you willing to go for a dollar. eff a klondike bar what would you do for some cash?